In this sharp and satirical opinion piece, the political drama in Rivers State is being examined, questioning the legitimacy and implications of the state’s House of Assembly probing the former sole administrator after a controversial emergency rule

“Between the Rivers state sole administrator who just completed his six-month state of emergency rule over the oil-rich state and the state’s House of Assembly members just resuming their own functions that were suspended during the emergency rule, who is a fool?”

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“I don’t understand what you are driving at!”

“Ok. The assembly says it will probe the former administrator and has asked him to appear before a committee it has set up for that purpose at a certain date, but the administrator, speaking through his spokesperson, has described the assembly’s summon as a fool’s errand”

“I see! Who is calling who a fool?”

“Ah-ah? Are you hard of hearing? I said the spokesperson of the former administrator said so!”

“Pardon me! I just wanted to be sure…”

“And now that you are…”

“Our people’s wisdom must be brought to bear here; it says when you point an accusing finger at someone, the remaining four will point in your own direction…”

“Meaning?”

“The one who pointed the accusing finger of a fool at someone has the remaining four fingers of foolishness pointing in his own direction…”

“Meaning that he is more foolish than the person he has called a fool?“

“In fact, four times more foolish! By the way, what is the meaning of a fool’s errand?”

“Let us Google it: it say – a task or activity that has no hope of success”

“And what task is the assembly embarking upon?“

“They want to probe the administrator’s six months in office. They want to look at how he spent their oil money and the contracts he awarded, whether there is anything oily in them”

”Then, the administrator is correct! It may even be more than a fool’s errand. It is a wild goose chase and an exercise in futility; a further frittering of the oil-rich state’s resources”

“I am surprised that you can pitch your tent with the administrator…”

“You are now the one pointing an accusing finger at me! Can’t you see the remaining four fingers pointing in your own direction? So, I am four times more surprised that you are not seeing what the administrator is seeing”

“What on earth can he be seeing? Give an account of your stewardship and you start running away, dropping names…”

“Whose names? “

“The President’s! And the National Assembly’s! That a probe of his tenure is a probe of these two institutions…”

“And is he wrong? Can you vouch that they all did not work in cahoots? This is Nigeria! Besides, the principle of delegated authority compels the one who delegates to ensure that the powers so delegated are used purposely for the functions so delegated…”

“Yes, but our people also have a saying that you can help someone to get a job but you cannot help him to perform it. Once the chameleon has given birth to his child, whether or not the child knows how to dance becomes his own responsibility”

“To some extent, yes, but are you aware that the administrator’s spokesperson reportedly issued a scantily-concealed threat that a probe of the administrator is a probe of the president and the National Assembly?“

“That is exactly what I mean by name-dropping…”

“You call it name-dropping but I call it a tip-off. A word, they say, is enough for the wise! Who declared the just-ended state of emergency and who ratified it? Who lifted the emergency before the assembly members could assemble again? You think you can poke your fingers in such sacred eyes? “

“That is the blackmail element! The purpose of the emergency rule was for good governance in Rivers state…”

”No sir! And that is where you missed the point! The administrator’s spokesperson said very clearly that the mandate given the administrator was to restore law and order, and that he meritoriously and creditably discharged it! Give him a clap!”

“Why must we clap for a man running away from accountability?”

“Because accountability was not our goal in the first instance! We simply wanted the goose that lays the golden egg, which was getting too restive for comfort, to be held tightly down so we can continue to milk the cow…”

”That is selfishness of the highest order!”

“No sir! That is enlightened self-interest! We need the oil to continue to flow. We need the forex that follows the flow. The national interest supersedes the sectional interest of just one state out of 36 states…”

“With no consideration for whether the man so sent to do the job also added other assignments of his own?

“My brother, understand how those in authority think! Sentiments are what you are just expressing here and that is immaterial to them. You think it is for fun that a civilian administration chose a military man as administrator?“

“That is another matter on its own. When Obasanjo chose Gen. Adetunji Idowu Ishola Olurin as administrator in Ekiti state after the kangaroo impeachment of Gov. Ayo Fayose, I thought it was military man to military man but a civilian president choosing a military man leaves much to be desired”

“You are right. The implications can be dire. It is very, very ominous. Are we saying there are no civilians who can get the job done? Are we not surreptitiously saying only the military can restore law and order in the polity?“

“Oh-ooo! Thank you for seeing what I am seeing, especially with insecurity walloping the country and breakdown of law and order spreading like wild fire…”

”That is why I say it is ominous! Are we not, with our own hands and by our own actions, beckoning to the locusts again…”

“May affliction not rise a second time…”

“Any may you not give vent to it! For now, let the Rivers people lick their wounds and learn useful lessons from their recent experience…”

”Are you saying they should just allow sleeping dog…”

“With the sword of Damocles still dangling over the head of Fubara, what else can they do? In politics, might is right. The strong have their way and the weak suffer their fate”

”That is in international politics, not local politics. Let’s return to where we started: Should the assembly probe the administrator or not? “

“Speaking honestly, I think they should! It is going to be an object lesson for them and other states when we all see the way Rivers resources were applied, misapplied or whatever in six months. That will teach everyone to behave themselves if they don’t want what happened in Rivers to happen to them!”

“You are being sarcastic..”

“Correct! But beyond sarcasm or satire, the assembly has the powers to probe. Google it; it says: “Under the 1999 Nigerian Constitution, a State House of Assembly’s primary responsibilities are to make laws for the peace, order, and good government of the state, primarily on subjects listed in the Concurrent Legislative List.

Beyond lawmaking, they perform legislative oversight functions to ensure accountability and transparency in state governance, including monitoring the execution of laws and policies. They also play a crucial role in ensuring the state’s budget is managed effectively.”

“That says it all! How come, then, that the administrator’s spokesperson said since the assembly did not appoint the administrator, therefore, the assembly cannot probe him?”

“That, in itself, is a fool’s tale! Did the assembly appoint or elect the state governor? Can’t they probe him? The assembly can probe any organ or official of the government; but speaking seriously, do you think anything meaningful will come out of any probe? Will the powers-that-be even allow the assembly to proceed in the first place? “

“Why not? They will be interested in knowing how the administrator fared in office…”

”Those in government seldom act that way. Are you saying they did not know who they were appointing before making the appointment? Is due diligence not performed before appointees are named? Are the previous records of any important public office-holder not an open file, especially in this age of social media?”

“You are right! Social media was abuzz when this man was named…”

“Oh-ooo! Did they still not go ahead? Usually, governments see what ordinary mortals do not see…”

“They always have hidden agenda is what you mean to say!“

“Don’t push words into my mouth! Governments everywhere hardly put in office anyone they do not have a leash on…”

”But what for?”

“For control, of course! If you open your eyes and create a Frankenstein monster, like Jonathan did with Jega, then, your good grief!”

“I see! Consideration for good governance always takes the back seat…”

“Or no seat at all! Survival and self-preservation are the first rules. Ever heard of the Italian diplomat and author, Niccolo Machiavelli?’

“No, no, no! Who is he?”

“He is the author of the famous quote – the end justifies the means!”

“However mean the means?“

“However mean! And have you heard the unsettling rumours swirling over the next INEC chairman? The term of the current occupant of the seat will soon expire?”